Hey Readers!

Okay, I have a really bad habit of saying sorry way too much. I say sorry for the smallest things. I say sorry for being me, I say sorry if I feel like I’m acting out of the ordinary. And of course I say sorry for things that I really should be sorry for. But for those things, I say sorry too many times. The last thing is, I say sorry for saying sorry.

In this blog post I am going to talk about why I think I say sorry too much. I also will be telling some stories of situations where saying sorry has gotten me yelled at, hit, etc.

Why I Think I Say Sorry Too Much

When I was a little kid, my dad was always flip-flopish with his mood. I never knew when he would get mad at me and start screaming at me. Or my mom for that matter. He was a very angry person, also very demanding. I can still remember the feeling of not knowing whether or not if his car would be in the driveway or not. If it was in the driveway, I would become very tense and have a very sick feeling in my stomach.

My father was abusive to say the least. Only twice physically, but he was more emotionally abusive. Which in my opinion takes a bigger toll on a 5-7 year old kid up until honestly now at the age of almost 20 years old. The two times he was physically abusive, he slapped me because I was crying for my mom, because I missed her and was scared. The first time I was in the back of his car crying because she was on a trip I think (I am not completely sure though). I remember him turning around and slapping me, then told me to say “sorry” for crying. Now looking back at it, what kind of good parent does that? None, the answer is none.

The second time I remember my father hitting me was at home while I was doing homework. I wasn’t understanding what he was telling me or teaching whatsoever. He kept on getting louder and louder while teaching until I started to cry. Then the same situation happened. He slapped me across my face, and then told me to say sorry.

I just want to say this, if you have ever been; emotionally abused and physically abused by you parent or family member? Please remember this, it is not okay for them to be doing that, no matter the situation. Also remember this, you are not alone.

How I am Healing From the Pain

So, how have I dealt with all this stuff? I say sorry too much still, but I am trying to work on it. If I am tired a lot of sorry’s come out of my mouth still. But each day I try and not to say sorry unless I really have a reason too. How am I dealing with the pain from my father abusing me emotionally for years? Let me explain that next.

I have been going to therapy for a very long time. Since the time my parents got divorced when I was 8 or 9 years old. Therapy is a great help, and I will always recommend therapy for people with issues similar to mine, or people who are just going through a rough time period.

Also, my friends along the way have helped me a bunch. And my amazing mother has helped a whole lot. we may not always get along. But I love her dearly, she is my only mother and I’m glad she’s my mom.

Well, I really hope you all enjoyed this blog post! Feel free to leave some feedback in the comment section below!

Bye for now!

Bianca

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